I want to say yesterday was a day of perfection, but I have the little nagging voice in my head that reminds me of Steff and I both losing our temper. It reminds me that even the moments that I feel like I’m rocking this mom thing, there is also still that voice that says “nope…nope…nope…wrong again”. But in the end, yesterday I felt peaceful and loved and whole. This little boy is uncovering some mighty things in me. Some things I’m comfortable with and love, while others I’m constantly reflecting on and just figuring them out. There are days that I struggle with these truths and other days I feel so happy that they’re being revealed to me.
It had been since high school that I had made chocolate chip cookies from scratch, unless you count the night Steff was born…in which Bret actually did all the cooking while I bent over the counter working through contractions. I have this big dream of being so awesome that I not only have baked cookies and breads just hanging around the house for whomever to eat, but that I also have single servings in the freezer to bake. I also have this dream to be a good neighbor and take fresh baked goodies over, to sit and chat and enjoy yummy goodies together. Mostly, I want to teach Steff these things. I want to teach him how to do things from scratch and how to be a good neighbor, to be kind and giving and to love with your whole heart by doing for others. Plus, I want him to have memories of licking the batter beater and measuring out the ingredient and putting everything into the bowl…and that sometimes there’s nothing better than the smell of something you made…especially when it’s cookies. Last week we made bread. It’s on my Life List and I had been waiting for the right recipe. I have discovered a love for no knead bread. Anywho…we made two loaves and took one to our sweet neighbor. On our way back to our house from dropping off the bread I told him that I felt so good giving and sharing. I said that’s why we’re all here, to help one another and to love. I knew it was a small act and that I don’t do enough as a neighbor or friend, but I wanted to show him how wonderful it is when we do get it right. He nodded his head in agreement and listened closely to what I said before taking off and running from me. But when he looked me in the eyes and nodded, I knew I had just had a mom touchdown. My heart swelled. It made me happy to think that not only was our sweet neighbor (who had been so kind to us for so long) enjoying warm, and hopefully yummy, bread, but that he understood what I was saying, at least a little. I know it will take many many many more acts of kindness and talks about love before it’s engrained in him. I hope that he will continue to learn and love and that all these wonderful warm things will far out weigh the angry temper losing parts.
Back to the cookies…Yesterday (well, I think it won’t be yesterday when you read this…so Tuesday) we tried our hand at cookie making. We took a friend to said sweet neighbor, a few to Bret for lunch, and one to a lovely teacher who works with Bret. Each time we talked about how fun it was to give something we had made. He wasn’t always sure about giving away something so yummy, but he went with it.
After lunch, we played outside and visited with the family we love a couple houses down. I made dinner while he napped (I always feel so much better when I have dinner done early…it doesn’t always happen but it’s awesome when it does). After nap we played outside in the garden looking for any bug we could find. He was thrilled watching the bugs crawl around, but not so sure about touching them. I was thrilled to convince him that it’s just as much fun to be in the garden as it is to run down the drive way and give momma a heart attack (well, almost convincing him). After dinner he quickly took to playing. I walked out of the room, only to walk in and see a train set up of his chairs and high chair all lined up. He was so proud and I was amazed that he thought of that (that does mean he’s a genius right?). Shortly after our train building moved into his bedroom with all of his train track pieces. And this happened…
After this I was told to put my camera up and “pay wis me momma”. So, I did. We played with trains until he started to put his baby down for a nap…and his level down for a nap…and his blocks down for a nap…and his teddy bear down for a nap…and a ball down for a nap…and me. He covers each thing up with a blanket and says “sh..sh..sh..baby. Nigh night”. I love watching him lay a blanket down. The way he fluffs it and lays it just so with such concentration and precision.
This boy has certainly stolen my heart. I hope that these are the moments that we both remember.
Peace and so much love,
Cilla
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