Dear Steffen, I'm almost in tears just thinking of what I'll write to you. Today, October 7, 2011, is your 2 month birthday. I'm sitting here watching you sleep in your swing (trying to decide if I want to move you to the crib now or the next time you eat). Your Daddy and I love to watch you sleep. There's absolutely nothing more peaceful. You don't know how many times in a day one of us can be caught saying "oh he's so cute". The best is when you're sleeping in my arms. I'm in Heaven and your Daddy always comes over and just stares at both of us and talks about how perfect you are. Happiness is written all over his face. I can feel it so strongly that my heart wants to jump out of my chest.
I'm sure you'll hear the story many times growing up, but we tried so very hard for you. There were times when I wanted to give up and Daddy was always right there to pick me up and remind me of how much we had dreamed of you. Even then, we couldn't imagine our lives without you. Now that you're here, on one hand it feels like we've always had you, on the other it feels like just yesterday we were at the hospital. I still pinch myself and think "wow, we actually have a baby". In just 2 short months you completely flipped our lives around. Saying that we love you more than life itself feels so small compared to how we actually feel. The love I had for you from the beginning was so overwhelming that it almost made me sick to my stomach.
You have even managed to strengthen the love I have for your Daddy. Now, there are times (like those middle of the night diaper changes that he sleeps through) when I've wanted to choke him. But gosh...seeing him with you, it melts me. In the hospital he would sit and rock you and tell you stories about who we are, who your family is, and make up stories about sleepy town. You fell asleep on his chest and he was so proud of how he hadn't seen you sleep so hard. He said he was so happy that he felt like he was going to burst and he was tingly all over. He said it was the happiest he had ever been. Steff, let me tell you, you were created out of nothing but pure love. We knew, from the beginning, that we wanted nothing more but to share the love we had of each other with a baby.
Since you've been around our living room has transformed into Babies-R-Us, we have learned how to survive on less sleep, we always consider going home and sleeping instead of going on date nights, our dreams have become bigger, our hearts have become stronger, and our home has become complete. In the last month you have started smiling so much and it's seriously the best thing I've ever experienced. You love it when I sing to you (you seem to think it's hilarious...your Daddy thinks the same about my singing). You love kisses. You now love it when I hold you up above my head like an airplane. Your favorite place is in my arms or on my chest. A very close second would be your changing table. You have been an excellent nurser from the beginning, with a few rough patches along the way. Now, I don't know how I'll be able to give it up. We recently realized you have your Daddy's smile, chin, nose, brow, and probably temper (ha). You have my eyes...which is good to me. Your Daddy happens to be pretty handsome. Your favorite "toy" is your wubbanub. It's a paci with a blue horse attached to it. I love when hold it's legs with your tiny hands and rub it with your little fingers.
Holding you, nursing you, smelling you, has been like a drug to me since day one. You seem to just melt into my arms. There have been days when I've felt like I was doing everything wrong, but those things, my drugs, always made me feel like everything was right. We are learning and growing together. You teach me every day. I am slowly becoming the kind of Mother I always dreamed of being. I'm not quite there, but I know that as we grow together, I will get there.
Thank you for your patience. Thank you for your love. Thank you for the lessons you teach me.
I love you more than "life itself" could ever measure.